Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
