So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
