I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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