Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
