AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
