I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
