Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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