laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
