I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
