omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
