I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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