margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
