i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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