we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
