Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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