had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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