If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
