the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
