if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you win again, gameday.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
