She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
