Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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