it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just want nice things and good sex
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
