**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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