No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I puked a lego.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
