got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
