just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
