We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
