Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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