So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
