Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
