actually, I'm a sock model
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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