...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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