Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think my vagina is haunted
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
