My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
