GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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