Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
