So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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