I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have already put on my inside pants.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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