drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
