hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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