i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
