So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
