On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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