I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
