i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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