in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
