$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
