I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
