I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just want nice things and good sex
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
