we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
