i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
