It was confusing and full of hummus
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
