found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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